Love a Dilemma

Paul Shomer Ademujimi
4 min readMay 26, 2023

‘’I have aborted two pregnancies
My body count is four
My first idea of sex came when I was a teenager
I occasionally stayed with my uncle who is also a pastor, whenever my parents were in another state for work
There was a time I went to his place and his girlfriend was with him
I would normally be around my uncle, but because his girlfriend was around, they chased me away to be alone.
Their romance knows no boundary
They bathe together
Kissed when I am around
Their PDA was extreme
He had a boy living with him
Instead of staying in my uncle’s room, I stayed at the boys
What we see daily made us experiment with a lot of things
We romanced and explored each other’s bodies but there was no penetration
My parents had told me that before I could have sex, I should be 25
When I clocked 25, I explored the world of sex’’ She told him

‘’My body count is zero
I made a determination to keep myself for my wife
It is a deliberate attempt and I ensured I kept myself
I expect to marry a virgin
Does your baby have a past?
If yes, how did you deal with it?
I have not asked her out
I think she can sense that I am interested in her,
So, she shared her past.
I have shared mine too, but my past is not that bad.
There are bad pasts and there are bad pasts
It is a different thing to counsel others to forgive
It is another thing to be affected personally’’ He told Paul

‘’Christ became her past, present and future
You must see her as Christ sees her
She is the glory of Christ and she is nothing short of that
You must love her as Christ loves her
You must have the mind of Christ
If you cannot handle her past
Please, leave her and don’t make her miserable
If you know and believe the gospel, be there for her
You cannot fake the gospel, you must believe it, you must live it
Be of help, if you cannot do that, leave her’’ Paul responded to him.

‘’But I love her, I love her so much
My heart is with her
I have two sisters in the picture but she is the one I love
However, she is not one who desires to do big stuff
She is satisfied with her job, making enough money
She just wants to have a family and take care of them
She wants a husband that will always be available not one that will not be there for the family due to work or ministry
I love to do big things
I have a big vision
But she is not someone like that.
I believe she can grow, I can help her grow in such a way that she will desire to do great things in life.
The other lady on the other hand keeps in touch with me
I do not love her but she is awesome
Apparently, she is asking about me, my ministry
She keeps tabs on the ministry and she is always reminding me that I should do what the Lord has asked me to do.
She is a big support to us in the ministry and she wants me to fly.
The lady I love wants a man that will always be home
The lady I do not love wants me to fly’’ He responded again to Paul

‘’You must love her for who she is
You must respect what she has set out to achieve in life
If she has not built herself into someone who desires to build and grow into the big stuff, there is nothing you can do.
If she is not there, she is not there.
She is playing safe because she did not spend time with her parents which exposed her to risk.
I believe love can transform people with patience, but people whose decisions come from experiences like hers will need the Lord to break them off if the Lord wants them to do more than what they desire to do.
Both of you can strike a balance and have a great marriage but you guys must talk it out, agree, and put in the work.
In an ideal scenario, the other lady is the perfect fit for your calling,
But, you do not love her.
You should marry for love
Scripture says you must love your wife
Why will you marry someone you cannot care for and fight for?
So, Kingdom marriage is based on love.
When you do not marry the one you love, you see everything you do for her as an obligation and not out of love.
My advice is to not ask any of them out.
By the way, it is a terrible thing to have more than one sister in the picture and maybe lead them on. It is not a royal attitude’’ Paul finally responded.

PS: I have spent time studying the complexities of humans, especially believers. Whilst we have the mind of Christ in our spirits, we can develop our own minds, thoughts, and conclusions based on our own experiences or the experiences of others. Now we will have the mind of Christ clashing with our own mind, and then our will is at the centre of two opposing thoughts, and we need to make a choice. The mind of Christ would help us navigate life easily.
Finally, we place expectations on partners, expectations that if we can fulfil ourselves, we will easily be able to give joyfully. She wanted acceptance, and he could not give it, but he also wanted acceptance in return, and more than that, he wanted her desire to change. In love, we need compromise. Compromise that will not alter our destinies in Christ.

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Paul Shomer Ademujimi

Homo Christus | i Teach, Write and Live the Gospel | Children and Teenagers | Founder, Anil Farms | Christ wing | Meno | +2348037714863 (WhatsApp only)