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Paul Shomer Ademujimi
4 min readJul 24, 2023

Caller: Paul, I do not want this relationship again. (They are getting married in 4 months’ time. Introduction had been done, and they are in the process of counselling). I am calling it off; I am just waiting for the perfect timing and opportunity.

Paul: What is going on? (Paul quizzed softly).

Caller: We do not agree on so many things, especially the gospel (She went on to describe the issues but not limited to 👉👉👉). In the marriage counselling we are doing, one day the facilitator taught about submission and lectured that the man and the woman must have the same calling and the woman’s purpose must be inside the man’s. He strongly maintained that view even before the counselling and I am opposed to it. He wants me to abandon my purpose and face his.

Paul: You do a lot of initiatives, is he interested in them? Does he listen to you speak? Have you ever discussed your projects with him and he gave his input or ideas?

Caller: he has never done that.

Paul: He pastors a church, are you interested in it? Do you listen to him? Have you ever discussed his ministry and you give your input or ideas?

Caller: No, I do not do that but I will ask him about how the church was and his preaching but not the content of the preaching.

Paul: oh, so you are not into what he is doing and he is not into yours and thus you cannot have each other’s backs and provide support.

Caller: he has told me that he cannot be doing a thing and his wife will be doing another thing. I cannot share his church flyer because I do not believe in many religious stuff they do. He does not believe in the things I believe too.

Paul: you guys should discuss search the scriptures together and find a solution.

Caller: he is not open to that. He said he learnt from his fathers and he will do everything they did and he does not want to change.

Paul: 🙃🙃🙃🙃 okay.

Caller: He has never been physically attracted to me. I felt it would grow over time but it did not happen. I do not like his physiques and all that.

Paul: ha! But you have always known all this? Why did you keep going?

Caller: yes but…

Paul: But you were in a hurry to get married. Do they write latecomers in marriage?

Caller: You know a lady does not have time, it runs against us.

Paul: You guys have to drop this mentality that keeps you from something good. A guy has the same time, and no guy wants to be doing school runs in his late forties and fifties. Guys want to do things as a youth too and enjoy sex early, not when you are 50 and you are holding your back after a few minutes. The same clock reads for all and every one ages. Your concern should be to have a committed partner and one with whom you will fulfil your destiny together. As it is, he is going to cage you and not allow you to fly. When you stand before Christ, He will not ask you if you got married, He will ask you what you did with the destiny He has given you. Flying while with him will be difficult, he has clearly told you you will be submerged in his calling.

Why not tell him and cut it off if that is what you want?

Caller: No, I am waiting for the perfect time.

Paul: What do you mean by perfect time? Have a conversation with him and forge the direction both of you want to go. You mean you want to throw tantrums until he is frustrated and misbehaves, and you can blame the breakup on him and also force yourself into that thinking so you won’t have responsibility..

Caller: ehn… it…

Paul: Na, *******, you are not street and you will never behave as one. You are royalty, and you are born of royal stock. You will conduct yourself as royalty that you are and conduct your affairs with grace. Be gracious in all things.

Caller: I want him to feel pain.

Paul: That is being vindictive. You are a child of grace, and you will never behave that way. You are an adult, so have a conversation with him and tell him what you want. You feel it is a flimsy excuse to cut off a relationship with a marriage scheduled if you tell your parents, the counselling team, and everyone involved. You think they will say you are not serious, and you want to save face. It is better for you to take responsibility right now and not save face than to walk into something you are never happy with. Have a mature conversation with him and your pastor, too, and forge a direction. You are royalty, and you will behave as one.

The End.

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Paul Shomer Ademujimi

Homo Christus | i Teach, Write and Live the Gospel | Children and Teenagers | Founder, Anil Farms | Christ wing | Meno | +2348037714863 (WhatsApp only)